suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
