i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
