its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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