Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize