I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
