i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
