i already hear my dad disowning me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
