i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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