Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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