Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
