This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
