he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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