I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
