I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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