She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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