Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
