I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Found your dick twin last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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