i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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