guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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