i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
