Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
