is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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