My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
