I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
