...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
