Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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