I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
