i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Drake has all the answers
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize