There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
