If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
