I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize