i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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