dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
