doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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