Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I smell stomach acid.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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