Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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