Well apparently he's into motor boating.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
