I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
