She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
