You work out of a Hotel?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
