is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
