There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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