in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
