1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
