Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
