Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
