A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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