We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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