Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
