If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
