if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Farmville is her only friend.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We have started to decorate penises.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
