We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
