I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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