i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
