I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
