tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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