I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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