atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
