I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
