Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
