i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
