I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
