I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
