so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
