im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize