He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
