you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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