I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found your dick twin last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
