If that was your dad, he is hot
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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