I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
