I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
