Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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