Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
