First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
