Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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