i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
